masterofmidgets (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
masterofmidgets) wrote2009-06-16 04:52 pm
masterofmidgets) wrote2009-06-16 04:52 pm
Entry tags:
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police Guide To Sex With Your Partner
Seriously, colourofsaying and I should never be allowed to talk online, because INEVITABLY it leads to conversations like this. (Or to arguing about Tolstoy and TS Eliot. One or the other.)
masterofmidgets : I do not think Bob approves of any part of the uniform being used for non RCMP-manual sanctioned purposes
colourofsaying :*giggles*
But he uses it for bondage all the time! In canon!
Just, not with a sexual connotation.
masterofmidgets : the manual sanctions using the lanyard for bondage when it is criminals being tied up
masterofmidgets : but it has no rules for recreational bondage. You can't do it if it's not in the manual!
colourofsaying : And for... filling holes in things and making do with sticks and lanyards when your climbing gear/doglsed/typewriter/tire chains/etc break.
They totally have rules for that.
masterofmidgets : the RCMP manual has rules for everything
masterofmidgets : 16 ways to skin a deer using a sharpened stick and your belt buckle
10 ways to track a man across an ice field
colourofsaying : Fraser and Ray play, mm, 'cops and robbers' - "But dad, he was a criminal. Then."
masterofmidgets : 5 substances found in nature that can readily made into emergency lube
colourofsaying : Hopefully that scars your brain as much as it does mine.
...and that's something I'd love to see written into the manual.
It's totally a RayK addition.
He put it in on the flyleaf, and then there are about fifteen blank pages at the back for the purposes of helpful annotation.
masterofmidgets : he does little doodles in the margins, too
colourofsaying : Yes
And Fraser is like OMG THE MOUNTIE BIBLE HAS BEEN DEFACED when he sees the doodles.
masterofmidgets : he does the bitchface
and Ray doesn't get why he's so pissy about it
colourofsaying : There's no way he can pass it on to his inheritor of the Mountie Ways of Superawesome now.
Because it has indecent stick figures.
masterofmidgets : but he knows he must have done something wrong because Fraser is making him sleep on the couch
colourofsaying : yep
So he goes and asks Buck Frobisher why making an amusing annotation is bad. Frobisher thwaps him, but gives him his old Mountie rulebook/bible.
masterofmidgets : Fraser: I'm sorry Ray, but I can't sleep with someone who doesn't respect the principles of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police
colourofsaying : Ray gets excellent sex for a week.
And Fraser annotates the defaced one. And gives it to Ray.
masterofmidgets : Fraser: May it serve as a guide for you in times of great stress, Ray. Perhaps you'll even learn something from it. Pages 431-435 are particularly relevant to your interests, I believe
colourofsaying : *giggles*
So... what's on pages 431-435
masterofmidgets : either the Mountie guide to sex with your partner, or Fraser's more explicit annotations...
colourofsaying : An expanded list of different kinds of lube, in addition to a list of Inuit sex toys and super sekrit Mountie sexfiles.
colourofsaying : The Mountie Kama Sutra, as drawn by Fraser. Not in stick figures.
masterofmidgets : Fraser tries to get Ray to use seal grease lube at some point, doesn't he?
colourofsaying : ...totally
Ray: "I am not sticking something up my butt that has been at any time in or part of an animal!"
masterofmidgets : Ray: I don't know what kinky shit they do up in the Yukon, but here in the good ol US of A we use astroglide, like SANE PEOPLE.
colourofsaying : Fraser: I regret to inform you, Ray, but the majority of lubricants on the market contain some form of animal byproduct.
masterofmidgets :
Ray: So do hotdogs, but they at least know better than to /tell/ you!
colourofsaying : Fraser: It's a perfectly valid traditional Inuit preparation!
masterofmidgets : Ray: it's a prefectly valid traditional Inuit preparation that isn't going anywhere near my ass. Geez, Fraser, that shit's going to give you food poisoning or something.
colourofsaying : Ray: Is it a perfectly valid traditional Inuit use for a perfectly valid traditional Inuit preparation?
masterofmidgets : that would be a bitch to explain to Fraser's boss
Ray: sorry Inspector Thatcher, Fraser can't come to work today because he got food poisoning from our lube. Yeah, I told him. No, we aren't using it again.
colourofsaying and I should never be allowed to talk online, because INEVITABLY it leads to conversations like this. (Or to arguing about Tolstoy and TS Eliot. One or the other.)masterofmidgets : I do not think Bob approves of any part of the uniform being used for non RCMP-manual sanctioned purposescolourofsaying :*giggles*But he uses it for bondage all the time! In canon!
Just, not with a sexual connotation.
masterofmidgets : the manual sanctions using the lanyard for bondage when it is criminals being tied upmasterofmidgets : but it has no rules for recreational bondage. You can't do it if it's not in the manual!colourofsaying : And for... filling holes in things and making do with sticks and lanyards when your climbing gear/doglsed/typewriter/tire chains/etc break.They totally have rules for that.
masterofmidgets : the RCMP manual has rules for everythingmasterofmidgets : 16 ways to skin a deer using a sharpened stick and your belt buckle10 ways to track a man across an ice field
colourofsaying : Fraser and Ray play, mm, 'cops and robbers' - "But dad, he was a criminal. Then."masterofmidgets : 5 substances found in nature that can readily made into emergency lubecolourofsaying : Hopefully that scars your brain as much as it does mine....and that's something I'd love to see written into the manual.
It's totally a RayK addition.
He put it in on the flyleaf, and then there are about fifteen blank pages at the back for the purposes of helpful annotation.
masterofmidgets : he does little doodles in the margins, toocolourofsaying : YesAnd Fraser is like OMG THE MOUNTIE BIBLE HAS BEEN DEFACED when he sees the doodles.
masterofmidgets : he does the bitchfaceand Ray doesn't get why he's so pissy about it
colourofsaying : There's no way he can pass it on to his inheritor of the Mountie Ways of Superawesome now.Because it has indecent stick figures.
masterofmidgets : but he knows he must have done something wrong because Fraser is making him sleep on the couchcolourofsaying : yepSo he goes and asks Buck Frobisher why making an amusing annotation is bad. Frobisher thwaps him, but gives him his old Mountie rulebook/bible.
masterofmidgets : Fraser: I'm sorry Ray, but I can't sleep with someone who doesn't respect the principles of the Royal Canadian Mounted Policecolourofsaying : Ray gets excellent sex for a week.And Fraser annotates the defaced one. And gives it to Ray.
masterofmidgets : Fraser: May it serve as a guide for you in times of great stress, Ray. Perhaps you'll even learn something from it. Pages 431-435 are particularly relevant to your interests, I believecolourofsaying : *giggles*So... what's on pages 431-435
masterofmidgets : either the Mountie guide to sex with your partner, or Fraser's more explicit annotations...colourofsaying : An expanded list of different kinds of lube, in addition to a list of Inuit sex toys and super sekrit Mountie sexfiles.colourofsaying : The Mountie Kama Sutra, as drawn by Fraser. Not in stick figures.masterofmidgets : Fraser tries to get Ray to use seal grease lube at some point, doesn't he?colourofsaying : ...totallyRay: "I am not sticking something up my butt that has been at any time in or part of an animal!"
masterofmidgets : Ray: I don't know what kinky shit they do up in the Yukon, but here in the good ol US of A we use astroglide, like SANE PEOPLE.colourofsaying : Fraser: I regret to inform you, Ray, but the majority of lubricants on the market contain some form of animal byproduct.masterofmidgets :Ray: So do hotdogs, but they at least know better than to /tell/ you!
colourofsaying : Fraser: It's a perfectly valid traditional Inuit preparation!masterofmidgets : Ray: it's a prefectly valid traditional Inuit preparation that isn't going anywhere near my ass. Geez, Fraser, that shit's going to give you food poisoning or something.colourofsaying : Ray: Is it a perfectly valid traditional Inuit use for a perfectly valid traditional Inuit preparation?masterofmidgets : that would be a bitch to explain to Fraser's bossRay: sorry Inspector Thatcher, Fraser can't come to work today because he got food poisoning from our lube. Yeah, I told him. No, we aren't using it again.