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I Call Bullshit
Aug. 9th, 2009 08:58 pmUgh, can I please have a do-over of today? This go-round really stunk.
I got in a fight with my dad over my perceived lack of initiative in fixing the Financial Aid Fail in his eyes. Lots of screaming and door-slamming from both parties. He apologized pretty quickly once I started crying, though.
He made me go on a walk with him after dinner, which I hate because we always end up bickering over something when we walk together, even we haven't already been fighting. True to form, we tried to have a civil conversation about where to go to fax the forms to financial aid, he started lecturing, I got defensive, he got mad over how defensive I was being, we ended up screaming at each other in the parking lot of the Mormon Church. And when I tried to shut the argument down and walk away, on the grounds that this was unproductive and just made us both angry and miserable, he got pissed off at that. So we had a second, much louder screaming fight about not having a screaming fight. At which point I just said fuck it, took off, and walked home on my own.
The depressing thing is, as much of an immature asshole as he is, he is worlds more mature and in control of his temper than he used to be. I still remember how scary and violent he was when I was a kid; I remember the fights we had when I was fourteen where he called my mom an alcoholic whore to my face. That he is just a jerk now is a monumental improvement over how used to be, and represents a lot of work and therapy on his part. But...he's still a jerk.
So I've been listening to Blue October really loudly in my room, and I had some cake, and I'm going to try to meditate again tonight, and I think I'll be fine and probably won't even have to kill him with a hammer.
In an unrelated note, I'm still working on the anti-sex pollen fic, and feeling tremendously guilty because I promised the anon I'm writing for it would be done last weekend. But I'm finally on the Spock-voice part, so now all I have to do is get Kirk kidnapped and rescued and it will be done. But, uh, here's some proof this fic does, actually, exist!
I got in a fight with my dad over my perceived lack of initiative in fixing the Financial Aid Fail in his eyes. Lots of screaming and door-slamming from both parties. He apologized pretty quickly once I started crying, though.
He made me go on a walk with him after dinner, which I hate because we always end up bickering over something when we walk together, even we haven't already been fighting. True to form, we tried to have a civil conversation about where to go to fax the forms to financial aid, he started lecturing, I got defensive, he got mad over how defensive I was being, we ended up screaming at each other in the parking lot of the Mormon Church. And when I tried to shut the argument down and walk away, on the grounds that this was unproductive and just made us both angry and miserable, he got pissed off at that. So we had a second, much louder screaming fight about not having a screaming fight. At which point I just said fuck it, took off, and walked home on my own.
The depressing thing is, as much of an immature asshole as he is, he is worlds more mature and in control of his temper than he used to be. I still remember how scary and violent he was when I was a kid; I remember the fights we had when I was fourteen where he called my mom an alcoholic whore to my face. That he is just a jerk now is a monumental improvement over how used to be, and represents a lot of work and therapy on his part. But...he's still a jerk.
So I've been listening to Blue October really loudly in my room, and I had some cake, and I'm going to try to meditate again tonight, and I think I'll be fine and probably won't even have to kill him with a hammer.
In an unrelated note, I'm still working on the anti-sex pollen fic, and feeling tremendously guilty because I promised the anon I'm writing for it would be done last weekend. But I'm finally on the Spock-voice part, so now all I have to do is get Kirk kidnapped and rescued and it will be done. But, uh, here's some proof this fic does, actually, exist!
( drunk!Kirk under the cut )