Love In The Asylum

masterofmidgets: ...you know, whatever other criticisms I may levy at Mercedes Lackey for writing silly horse books and elves in race cars
masterofmidgets: I owe her something for coming up with a terminology that fills a gap in the three-fold goddess I didn't know bothered me
colourofsaying: ?
masterofmidgets: okay, so, the the normal form of the triplicate goddess/god (which is pretty standard for paganism/wicca) is maiden/mother/crone and warrior/father/sage
masterofmidgets: which is...reasonable, I guess, and I buy into it more than I don't, but it's not quite...satisfying. idk.
masterofmidgets but technicalities aside I don't think I'm a maiden, and I'm certainly not a mother, so where does that leave me?
masterofmidgets: but Lackey has a bunch of filk and supplemental material for the Valdemar books
masterofmidgets: and one of the songs for the Hawkpeople, who have a dualistic goddess/god cosmology, has the divisions as maiden/WARRIOR/mother/crone and rover/guardian/hunter/guide
masterofmidgets: somehow that really resonated with me!
masterofmidgets: I like the idea of a stage between being an innocent child and a nurturing parent figure, where you are independent and part of your community
colourofsaying: I like that!
colourofsaying: I feel like it reflects a more modern division of life
colourofsaying: we don't go straight from childhood to parenthood anymore
masterofmidgets: and I suppose you could map it onto the seasons
masterofmidgets: the warrior goddess is the goddess of summer, when everything is in full bloom
masterofmidgets: and the mother goddess is the goddess of autumn, of harvesting and preparing and protecting the home against the winter to come
colourofsaying: nice
colourofsaying: I buy that
masterofmidgets: I like that kind of symbolism!
colourofsaying: that's because it's good symbolism!

I hope everyone had a pleasant equinox? I found myself lacking in ritual traditions for the day, so I just kind of improvised and did spring-ly things - I cleaned my room, said some prayers about the end of winter and the growth of new life, left a honey offering on the sill, and slept with my window open. In the morning before work, I started a new writing project. I would have eaten eggs, but the chickens refused to be accommodating, silly birds, and we were fresh out. We have been eating and buying plenty of lovely spring veggies, though! And participating in the noble NM spring tradition of fixing all the things the 60mph wind gusts destroyed while moaning about the through-the-roof pollen counts. Ah, March.

Three Things (The Post-Holiday Edition)

1. Christmas was, with a few exceptions, entirely lovely. Family dinner at my granddad's went off without a hitch, my feuding cousins and their girlfriends were able to stagger their arrival so they never had to be in the same room, and my obnoxious racist uncle managed to not pick any screaming fights with the rest of us until the 26th. All the food was tasty, I got to see some monks carol-ing, and my mom really liked the ice cream maker I got her. Also, I got presents! Mostly cooking implements from the family (I HAVE SO MANY SPRINGFORM PANS OMG), which is awesome. And a book on Victorian erotic literature from colourofsaying, who perhaps knows me too well.

Also also, someone wrote me an amazing Niels & Gang fic for Yuletide where 300 and 250 get married, with attendant Niels-related obstacles. I...kind of want this to be canon now, it is so precious and ridiculous and perfectly them.

2. Just once, I would like to have our water go out on a day that isn't hair-washing day. Not being able to take a shower really just throws the whole day off. Along with all the other myriad inconveniences that really require running water, of course. Stupid fucking pipes.

3. I have been bingeing this week on the Vorkosigan saga. I don't know who recommended it to me - maybe it was just general geekish osmosis? - but ahaha I love this series so much you guys. It manages to hit three of my major id-buttons - Russian characters (or, well, post-earth space-Russians, but whatever, I just want the names and the face structure), a hyper-manic strategy-brilliant protagonist, and buckets and buckets of hurt/comfort. Please, break Miles' legs a couple more times, Bujold, tie him up and drug him, let's throw in a couple traumatic nightmares, I cannot get enough of this. Watching Miles suffer is almost more fun than watching him careen around accidentally stopping civil wars through his sheer inability to shut his mouth.

DONE WITH COOKIES AT LAST. Everything is baked, frosted, dipped in chocolate,wrapped and boxed up to be given out this week. If anyone asks me to bake cookies in the next month, I am going to laugh in their face,and possibly punch them. Pie, however, is still negotiable.

Only a week until Christmas, so of course it is time for some family drama. Once again, it involves my asshat of an uncle. For those of you playing along at home, here's the background of the current wankery: my uncle (my dad's oldest brother), his third wife (who is a wonderful person), and my five-year-old cousin have lived in my grandmother's house since they moved back to the US four year ago - first because my uncle didn't have a job, then because my granddad was terminally ill and my grandma needed a lot of help with care, then because my uncle got sick. Since he moved back here, there's been a bit of tension between him, my dad, and my aunt (their oldest sister) because of the money/living with my grandma issue (my mom has suggested he's probably trying to stay long enough that he'll get the house from my grandma, and she's probably not wrong), my uncle's conservative political views, and his general unpleasantness.

Earlier this summer, my dad and my uncle got into a screaming argument while we were stopping by to say hi to my grandma. I only saw the tail end of the fight, but apparently my uncle was a) saying some Islamophobic things about how all Muslims are evil terrorists and b) saying some derogatory things about Mexican immigrants because he was mad about Tiny Cousin's kindergarten class learning about Mexican holidays. The first is impassably offensive, but the second is just stupid, considering that we live in a predominantly Hispanic southwestern state and, OH YEAH, MY GRANDMOTHER, WHO IS HIS MOTHER, IS A LATINA IMMIGRANT. Also, you know, his wife is a native Pacific Islander and Tiny Cousin is mixed race and visibly non-white, so his bullshit racism is personally offensive to pretty much everyone around him. Anyway, my dad called him out on saying racist crap, he said he wasn't, shouting ensued and then stopped immediately when my grandma came into the room and glared at both of them.

For the record, although I'm usually the one to chew him out for being reactionary and having a short temper, I'm totally on my dad's side in this one. I've heard my uncle say ignorant, racist, homophobic stuff before, and I pretty much refuse to have a conversation with him, or even be in the same room if I don't have to. But my dad did apologize within a few minutes of the argument, and he apologized again a few weeks later when he found out my uncle was still upset about it.

When we had Thanksgiving at our house, he refused to come, because he said he didn't want to be around my dad after this incident. Which was...fine, honestly, since none of us like to be around him anyway. And then today, we got a call from my grandma - apparently my uncle has said that he doesn't want to be a part of any of the family Christmas events if my dad is also going to be there, so he, his wife, and Tiny Cousin are going to...I don't even know. Sit in their room during dinner? Go to a hotel for Christmas? I have no idea. My dad offered to absent himself from the festivities, but my grandma is having none of that (not least because he and I are doing most of the work for the tamales).

I don't know what his goal is with this - never have to talk to my dad again and risk having to acknowledge that he's a bigot? Make everyone pay attention him and admit they could never have Christmas without him, and my dad will be permanently disinvited if he'll just come back? Make a big fuss and lash out because he's tired of being sick? He can get bent, as far as I care, but I'm annoyed that he's making this into a whole big deal when it doesn't need to be, and really pissed off that he's making Tiny Cousin miss doing Christmas with the whole family. And the whole thing is deeply upsetting to my grandma at a time when we should all be as fucking supportive as possible - the anniversary of my granddad's death is on Monday, and this is a hard time in a hard year for her.

Sooo basically all the family events at my grandma's (tamales on Christmas eve, presents on Christmas morning, and Christmas day dinner) are going to be super awkward because my uncle is a dickwad, and I am just glad that I can leave after lunch to go to my Grandpa J's with my mom, where things can be awkward because my aunt's husband doesn't like us and my cousins are fighting over their mutual ex (don't even fucking ask) instead. Oh, my family.

In retrospect, buying myself a copy of Dragon Age in the middle of Yuletide season was not the best idea ever. I've stayed on top of the chores and the cooking, but other than that all my time this week has been devoted to killing darkspawn. I've almost mastered the complex art of walking without running into things, a skill that has often eluded me in my previous attempts to become a gamer. And I want Alistair to be my hapless dorky sword-swinging BFF. *hearts*

We are gearing up for epic amounts of Yule-related cooking here. Next week is the traditional (three years counts as a tradition, right?) week for baking ALL THE COOKIES, which will then be boxed up to give away to all and sundry. I have also been informed today that, since my aunt is having a bunch of dental work done and my other aunt hurt her arm - and since we apparently did such a good job on Thanksgiving - my dad and I are now In Charge Of Tamale-Making. A weighty obligation indeed, since we not only have to meet the very high expectations of my grandma, but all the far-flung relatives who expect to be gifted with frozen tamales to enjoy the rest of the year. But no pressure! At least my mom only wants me to help her make jambalaya.

Happy Gregorian New Year! I have tamales!

It's been interesting reading everyone's New Year's posts all day and seeing what kind of rituals people come up to ensure that the coming year goes smoothly - not taking out the trash, eating certain foods, changing the calendars, getting drunk at midnight, whatever. So many fascinating personal/family/cultural superstitions tied up in the day. Oddly enough, although I'm usually big into rituals and magical thinking, all of my winter holiday energy gets devoted to Solstice and Christmas. My family's never been big on New Year's. When I lived with my mom we made donuts, and my dad and I usually do Dim Sum Day, but that's just because we like food and wanted something to do. We never invested a lot of deeper significance in it. So I'm not really bothered that this year is all wonky.

Anyway, even if we're supposed to make them for Christmas Eve, I would be pretty sad if I didn't get any tamales at all this year. I'm willing to be pretty flexible for my grandma's tamales.

I still don't know how I feel about 2010. Lots of good things happened! I got my academic life back on track, and got my GPA back up to something not too embarrassing. I embraced my fate as an English major. I wrote some awesome stuff. I fell in love with some new fandoms and rediscovered some old fandoms. I made awesome friends, here and in meatspace. The last few months have been rocky, and I'm still grieving for M and my grandfather, but I'm not going to lose sight of all the good that I had in my life as well. I'm optimistic about 2011. We'll see how it goes.

Here's to hoping that 2011 brings all of you health and happiness, good times and awesome porn. Happy New Year!

Another round of finals successfully punched in the face, yay! I was hoping for the grade in my music class to be a little higher, but a B+ is pretty okay, and I did play a bit fast and loose with some of the assignment deadlines, so it's probably the grade I deserve. And on the bright side, I got an A in Poetry and Poetics! Let me say that again: I GOT AN A IN POETRY AND POETICS. I cannot even begin to explain what a relief this is for me. I'll finally be able to talk to Professor Boland without feeling like a cringing mass of guilt and failure now. Go me!

Also, my Genre Fiction professor thinks I'm awesome. This is from his (page and a half long, he is VERY THOROUGH) feedback on my final research paper/final grade:

"Your participation in seminar was excellent: yours were regularly the most insightful and original comments in the class session. I especially valued your ability to synthesize big claims, and your skeptical probings underneath the surfaces of our texts. Your occasional TVTropes-style analysis was also quite helpful in contributing a more formalist analysis of the way plots and characters are constructed out of conventions. I hope you will continue your reĔections on the meanings and agendas underneath all these đctions we consume for fun—and I wish you all the best for the new year and beyond."

MY TVTROPES STYLE ANALYSIS GUYS. I guess all the hours of my life that site has sucked up were worth something after all. (And as a side note, I do make a point of reading the tvtropes page for whatever book we're reading in class after I finish it, because it's usually a) a good way to start structuring thematic arguments, b) a good way to pick up plot details I was too dense to notice on my own and c) really fun.)

I guess I must have really overdone it during the last two weeks of school, because I'm just starting to feel like a normal human being again; this is probably the first day since I got back that I haven't been ready to go to bed by 6pm. And even though my family's trying to give me a break, it still feels like there's a lot going on already - visiting my grandpa at the rehab center (he's doing well, and looking better than I expected, but still pretty frail), lunch out with my mom and various relations, visiting with my grandma, an aborted attempt at going to a hockey game with my dad and the girlfriend. Tomorrow my aunt and I are going to get a Christmas tree. And I'm still in the middle of making arrangements for a couple of other meet-ups of greater or lesser importance. So much for relaxing, huh?

I'm still on the Great Adolescent Nostalgia Kick, but I've now moved on temporarily from Naruto to Yu Yu Hakusho. I think I'm regressing. I'd forgotten how utterly ridiculous this show is in every possible way. Junior high thugs with greaser hair? Check. Tournament arcs that go on for episodes at a time without anyone finishing a fight? Check. Characters who shout each other's names dramatically several dozen times in every scene? Check. The Power of Friendship and Love being enough to overcome all odds and physical limitations? SO MUCH CHECK.

And yet I love it, like, really a lot. I guess I'm just a sucker for a good shonen series.

Normally I can take parades or leave them - they're fun, but not anything I'd go out of my way to catch, especially when the temperature starts hitting the mid-90s. I do, however, make an exception for the Corrales 4th of July parade. My mom and I and her sister and my cousins have been going to that one since I was a wee thing, and it is my FAVORITE, because it is very informal and very, very silly and just WONDERFUL.

( We didn't even get any pictures of the bikers )

After the parade we had lunch with the boyfriend's family, and then I came back to my dad's for dinner and an evening of watching the fireworks. We had rain on friday night, so I guess people decided the fire danger could be damned, because there are still a ton going off. We did our best to contribute to the din with our own stash of explosives. All in all, a good 4th of July.

Finally heard back from Undergraduate Research and I...didn't get my arts grant. I haven't been talking about it at all online because I was afraid to jinx it, but I guess it doesn't really matter now.

What do I do with myself now?

I mean, financially I'm pretty sure I'm okay even without the grant money; I was really careful with my expenses this year and while I haven't gotten my aid letter for next year yet, tentative signs say I didn't bugger it up like last year. I'll have to be careful with my money over the summer, but it's not like I go out clubbing every weekend or buy a new pair of shoes every chance I get, I think I can manage not to spend too much while I'm home. And it's not like I can't write the stories I wanted to write for this project anyway; actually, I probably will, because I really liked several of the ideas I was working on a lot. It's just...the extra money would have helped a lot, and I really don't want to spend another summer being lectured by my family about why I'm not working a real job and feeling like a fuck-up.

And it would have been a much appreciated validation of my writing abilities. Instead, now I'm sitting here wondering why my short story project about female, queer, and Latina identity in the contemporary Southwest is less worthy of funding than my friend's epic poem about a Swedish gnome that saves a bunch of forest mice from a fox.

Man, this day has fucking blown. And I've got too much work to do to even properly wallow in feeling sorry for myself. Fan-fucking-tastic.

 Home from a weekend with my mom and the boyfriend with new library books, Christmas presents, and a cold. It figures that after two days of lying on the sofa reading comic books and watching Iron Chef and Law & Order that I would be getting sick now, just in time for all the stuff I have planned for this week with various family/friends. 

On the other hand, presents! Most of my gifts took the form of emergency monetary assistance earlier in the fall (my dad paid for half of Spock, and my grandma paid for the plane tickets home I was going to buy for myself before I had to shell out for Spock), but I did get some cute pajamas from my aunt, a Trader Joe's giftcard from my other aunt, and some embroidered ornaments and a cookbook from my mom, who has apparently decided to buy them for me until I agree to write one. 

I am very far behind on Yuletide since I haven't had internet since Friday morning, but I did get to read my story, which managed somehow to push every single one of my Dark is Rising buttons, even the ones I never talk about, like boys-in-scarves and Merriman/Arthur. *cuddles* And my person really loved their story, which is totally awesome. I kind of wish it were next year already so I could do it again. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a whole pile of cartoons to indulge myself in watching while I'm braindead. 

Seven Songs For Christmas

1. Silver Bells - Bing Crosby version Relient K version
This was always my favorite Christmas song when I was a kid. I don't know, it just makes me think of New York City in the winter, and giant Christmas trees, and passing people carrying Christmas packages home, and all that.

2. I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day - Placido Domingo version
I just really like this song.

3. Coventry Carol - Loreena McKennitt version
The subject matter of this song is actually pretty dark - it's about King Herod killing babies - but it's such a slow, sad carol, it's really quite lovely.

4. Oh Holy Night - Celtic Woman version
My absolute favorite religious Christmas carol, although there are very few versions of it I actually like.

5. I'll Be Home For Christmas - Bing Crosby version Elvis Presley version
Most of the Christmas songs I like are depressing, oddly enough. This one always makes me think of all of my favorite characters, at the point in their stories where they are all alone.

6. The Christians and the Pagans - Dar Williams
For everyone whose family holidays are like mine. Or worse.

7. The Atheist Christmas Carol - Vienna Teng
This song is basically exactly how I feel about the holiday season. And since it's Vienna Teng, it is beautiful.

Merry Christmas everyone (who celebrates Christmas)! Happy other holidays, those of you who don't!