I Hate Hospitals

We were back at the hospital again today, and it's a good news/bad news kind of thing.

In good news, they moved him out of the cardiac ward into a general medical ward, which I guess means they think he's doing well enough to not need constant the constant medical supervision he got in cardiac (and probably that they were less worried about him potentially having another heart attack). In bad news, he was a lot less lucid today and they don't know why, since he isn't on morphine anymore. He recognized me and my dad when he saw us, but he couldn't follow our conversation and a few times it seemed like he was hallucinating. The doctor didn't have an explanation. And they still haven't seen the physical therapist, who was supposed to come by yesterday afternoon. He's really weak now after five days in the hospital, and he can't walk on his own. The nurse was talking about evaluating him to be put into a residential rehab program after he gets released rather than sending him home at all. But we don't know when that will be.

Same with my mom's boyfriend. We were going to try to meet up at the cafe this afternoon since he's at the same hospital as my grandpa is, but she ended up not going to see him at all today. He's still intubated and sedated, and they won't take the tube out until Monday, so he's probably going to be there longer than she thought yesterday. I'm going to spend the night at her place tomorrow - I don't normally because the apartment is tiny and there's no room for me, but with him gone it's less of a problem and I think we could both use the company. She sounds okay on the phone but I think she's probably having a harder time than she would admit.

I spent last night watching episodes of Due South, which along Teen Titans is probably what's on for tonight as well. I just need something funny and cheerful and not requiring a lot of thinking or emotional turmoil, because I've used up all my ability to deal with life on my actual life, and the three episodes of Supernatural I have waiting for me right now would just kill me but sitting here thinking about everything that's going on would probably lead to me losing my mind. So light and fluffy and happy it is.

Also, as evidence the entire universe hates me and wants me to die: I used different candles than usual to meditate with last night and I think I was allergic to them because I haven't been able to stop coughing since. WTF.

AKA That One Where They Go Back In Time To Kidnap Whales

Things About Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home That Are Awesome:

1. Kirk/Spock/McCoy - is the Trek threesome of my heart, and this movie did nothing to dissuade me of that opinion. It was full of Kirk and McCoy being married, McCoy trying to get Spock to confide in him, and Kirk teasing Spock and then being sad Spock doesn't love him anymore since he got dead. But then by the end they do love each other, and they prove it with math.

2. Chekov and Sulu's matching leather coats. Not only are they sexy as all hell (Chekov even has leather trousers to go with his, and I wholeheartedly approve of that), but it leads to believe that, like many couples, they share each other's clothes.

3. SPOCK SWEARING OMG IT IS AMAZING.

4. Kirk telling a girl that Spock is a former hippie from Berkeley who did too much LSD in the 60s.

5. Chekov's mad dash through a nuclear submarine after he escapes from an interrogation room (where he is being questioned because they think he is a filthy commie dog, obv) by chucking his phaser at a soldier's head and running away. Oh Chekov, never ever change. Although I do have to wonder why he is the one who is always getting kidnapped and tortured and falling off piers and hitting his head.

6. McCoy being grumpy about 20th century medicine. I love grumpy!McCoy.

7. Sulu flying a helicopter.

8. Uhura. This movie needed about 1000x more Uhura than it had (what movie doesn't?) but the bits she was in were consistently awesome. Also, I have such a girl!crush on Nichelle Nichols.

9. The moment at the end with Spock and Sarek, which was simultaneously both very Vulcan and very touching - they managed to convey, without ever talking about or displaying any actual emotions, how deeply they care for each other, and it made me quite happy.

Also I think there was supposed to be a plot or something, there were whales involved maybe? but it was ridiculous so I focused my attention on more important things, like counting how many times Sulu and Chekov were on screen together and how many times McCoy gave someone the bitch!face. Still, YOU SHOULD SEE THIS MOVIE.

So You Don't Get To Be A Saint

6 Songs That Are Fannish, and 1 That's Just Good

1. Blackbird by Ellis

I drove a hundred miles down an hour down the mountainside
felt like a superhuman, felt like I could fly
I had a plane to catch, I had my seltbeat on
but it wouldn't have kept me safe if I'd fallen off

I've got rolls of tape stuck up in my head
got the wrong words mixed up in the things I said
but I meant the kindness and I meant holding you
we can be the ocean, so much bigger than this

When I talked to colourofsaying about this song that she sent me, I told her that in my head there are two kinds of McShep songs. There are the songs where John tries to convince Rodney they should totally be in love, no really it will be awesome, and there are the songs where John tries to deal with that thing where Rodney keeps trying to propose to girls. This song is a little of both - it's about how awesome this thing is that they have, but also how they've let it get really off track and they should fix that. And it's just got this very...Sheppard vibe in it.

2. Wonderwall by Oasis (but the Cat Power version is way more awesome and you should check it out)

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

A long time ago I had this song on my playlist as an Edward/Alphonse song, which I guess shows it has a very sibling-ish tilt to it for me. But I don't think of it that way anymore, because it is the perfect song for Sam/Dean. Specifically, season three Sam/Dean - when Dean desperately wants Sam to find a way to get him out of his deal with the crossroads demon, but at the same time has resigned himself to Sam's failure and his own death and just wants to make his last goodbyes and get it over with. Not a happy song by any means.

3. Hurricane by Ellis

You and me are like a match and a flame
We get too close and we burn up everything
We are a hungry lion who has just seen it’s prey
We can’t help ourselves we get carried away

And it can’t be that good and it can’t be that bad
I want you to use me, I give all that have
I’m ready for you like I’m ready to breathe
I can hardly stand this, I’ll do anything

One of the things I love about the Reboot Trek is the antagonism between Kirk and Spock, because it makes a lot of sense to me that two such different people would have a lot of personal and professional friction early on in their relationship, before they have good reasons to trust each other. I love watching that relationship turn to grudging respect, and then to friendship (and eventually to romance). This song would be pretty early in their capital-r Relationship, when it's all dramatic and passionate and really loud.

4. The Brilliant Dance by Dashboard Confessional

So this is odd,
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
and nobody cares at all.

So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.

This song is all about that first time you fall in love and then it all goes bad and your heart gets broken and you're sure you'll never be able to fall in love again, which is why it fits in my head so well as a Dumbledore/Grindewald song. I mean, this is a man who was able to turn a brief summer romance into 60 years worth of tragedy and breast-beating. He does not do anything by halves. But it's sad, still, to think of all those lonely years wasted because he can't move on enough to dare to love anyone else.

5. Bullets by Tunng

Our blood and guts are out
We spread our bones across the table at night
We cut our fingers off
To give ourselves those little extra insights

We're catching bullets in our teeth
And though they try hard not to say how it's done
They always do
They spill the secret out six ways
And beg for our forgiveness
Just before dawn
And now we don't remember

Cable/Deadpool: a romance between a superpowerful telepathic mutant from a post-apocalyptic alternate future and wise-cracking trigger-happy mercenary with severe psychosis, disfiguring cancer and no respect for the fourth wall. Neither of them are particularly nice people, is my point here, and this isn't a particularly nice song (it sounds like it's written about assassins to be honest). But it's hard to ignore the love between the two of them, even if they mostly express it in horribly unhealthy ways.

6. Benediction by The Weakerthans

Megaphones in helicopters squeal “hey are you okay?
Searchlights circle, where we lost our way

All our accidents were purposeful and felt
Stripped of providence or any way to tell
But our intentions were intangible and sweet
Sick with simple math and shy discoveries
Piled up against our impending defeat.

I don't have the werewithal to do a whole Children of Earth fanmix, but I do have this one song that I think captures the miniseries as a whole pretty well. It's got a good sense of the defeatism and despair that is so prominent in the whole storyline - I really read CoE as saying "no matter how hard you try, it's never going to be enough to save everyone, not even the people you love." It was just such a hopeless thing for everyone involved. This is one of my favorite Weakerthans songs.

7. Au Fond du Temple Saint by Bizet (sung in my version by Roberto Alagna and Bryn Terfel)

Au fond du temple saint
Paré de fleurs et d'or,
Une femme apparaît!
Je crois la voir encore!
Une femme apparaît!
Je crois la voir encore!

La foule prosternée
La regarde, etonnée,
Et murmure tous bas:
Voyez, c'est la déesse!
Qui dans l'ombre se dresse
Et vers nous tend les bras!

I think this is one of my favorite arias ever, even topping out "Song to the Moon" from Rusalka and "Tu cei di gel sei cinta" from Turandot. Assuming you don't read French, the aria is a duet between the two male leads of The Pearl Divers, singing about how their friendship was once threatened when they both fell in love with the same mysterious woman. It's slow and haunting and heartfelt and just lovely.