![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'll Just...Be Over Here
Oct. 28th, 2010 01:12 pmFuck this week. Fuck it so hard. I don't even -
I had three papers due this week. Or, two papers and a long creative essay. I tried to have good time-management skills, I really did. But my aunt came by on Saturday and we spent all afternoon running around town on a shopping expedition (we even ended up at IKEA, which was an epic experience for another day), and by the time I got home, I had a shopping induced migraine bad enough that I pretty much just collapsed into bed as soon as she shut the door. It kicked my ass hard enough that I was still dizzy and out of it on Sunday, when I had to go to work, and my shift just about did me in. So I really wasn't good for much of anything all weekend. Can you see where this is going? Three all-nighters in four days, what the hell. Most of this week is just a blur. I got everything done, which is a big step up, but I hate putting myself through this every time. And I hate being so exhausted I can't think straight.
The Marie Claire thing has my fat ass all angry and defensive about my right to walk across a room without people pointing and laughing. So of course the essay I've got to workshop this weekend for my non-fiction class is about how the obesity epidemic is killing our babies with deathfat!!!1!1! And I just, I read through it when she handed it out and I'm sure she means well, and it isn't even that fatphobic, but I cannot even deal with this. I don't know how to objective about this. It's not my job in workshop to school her on HAES and FA but I don't know how I can sit there and talk about style and not the fact that she's treating me like a medical condition and a moral failing.
And this should have gone first, because it's the only thing that really matters, but I can't even think about it. I can barely be coherent about it. My mom called me while I was eating lunch just now and told me my grandfather's girlfriend M, who as previously stated is the most awesome person in the universe, went into hospice today. They think she'll probably pass away tonight or tomorrow. I just...this is awful, and I don't know what to do. I can't imagine what this is like for my grandfather. My grandmother was first diagnosed with brain cancer in about 1990, and he spent fifteen years watching her get sicker and weaker and more confused until she died in 2006. I can't imagine what it's like having to go through that for a second time.
There's probably not a lot anyone can do at this point, but good thoughts/prayers for the two of them would be sorely appreciated. I wish I could be there.
I had three papers due this week. Or, two papers and a long creative essay. I tried to have good time-management skills, I really did. But my aunt came by on Saturday and we spent all afternoon running around town on a shopping expedition (we even ended up at IKEA, which was an epic experience for another day), and by the time I got home, I had a shopping induced migraine bad enough that I pretty much just collapsed into bed as soon as she shut the door. It kicked my ass hard enough that I was still dizzy and out of it on Sunday, when I had to go to work, and my shift just about did me in. So I really wasn't good for much of anything all weekend. Can you see where this is going? Three all-nighters in four days, what the hell. Most of this week is just a blur. I got everything done, which is a big step up, but I hate putting myself through this every time. And I hate being so exhausted I can't think straight.
The Marie Claire thing has my fat ass all angry and defensive about my right to walk across a room without people pointing and laughing. So of course the essay I've got to workshop this weekend for my non-fiction class is about how the obesity epidemic is killing our babies with deathfat!!!1!1! And I just, I read through it when she handed it out and I'm sure she means well, and it isn't even that fatphobic, but I cannot even deal with this. I don't know how to objective about this. It's not my job in workshop to school her on HAES and FA but I don't know how I can sit there and talk about style and not the fact that she's treating me like a medical condition and a moral failing.
And this should have gone first, because it's the only thing that really matters, but I can't even think about it. I can barely be coherent about it. My mom called me while I was eating lunch just now and told me my grandfather's girlfriend M, who as previously stated is the most awesome person in the universe, went into hospice today. They think she'll probably pass away tonight or tomorrow. I just...this is awful, and I don't know what to do. I can't imagine what this is like for my grandfather. My grandmother was first diagnosed with brain cancer in about 1990, and he spent fifteen years watching her get sicker and weaker and more confused until she died in 2006. I can't imagine what it's like having to go through that for a second time.
There's probably not a lot anyone can do at this point, but good thoughts/prayers for the two of them would be sorely appreciated. I wish I could be there.