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Why Yes, I Am A Dork
Jan. 6th, 2011 12:30 amYou guys, I cannot adequately explain how much I love medieval literature. It is like a big ball of crazy and barely euphemistic porn wrapped in bizarre French verbs and obscure Christian symbolism. IT IS THE GREATEST THING EVER. Here are some examples of what we are doing this week in class, succinctly summarized for your reading pleasure:
Historica Calamitatum (Peter Abelard)- French scholar gets into endless academic flamewars with everyone he meets until he gets castrated, after which he becomes a monk but does not, actually, stop stirring up shit, because that would require him to stop bitching for five minutes. Also he has some kind of epic genre-defining love affair with some girl named Heloise, but he spends a lot less time talking about her than about all those jerks who can't admit how awesome he is. But then she did name his son Astralabe, so maybe that's fair.
Guigemar (Marie de France) - Asexuality can be cured by getting shot in the leg with your arrow when trying to kill a magic deer, and it is totally okay to sleep with another guy's wife as long as he is ugly and you are not. Also, having everyone in the kingdom line up to try to untie the fair maiden's chastity belt is not creepy and gross in any way. I don't think Medieval people understood how knots worked very well.
Bisclavret (Marie de France) - Long before Stephanie Meyers, Marie De France was over in England writing about totally hot werewolves who just need a girlfriend who understands them. This werewolf's girlfriend, however, while she doesn't seem to mind the part where he's a wolf is a little too freaked out by the part where he's naked while he's a wolf, so she dumps him for somebody else. After which he bites off her nose and goes to make out with the king instead. All of this actually happens in the story.
After this we move on to Floris and Blancheflour, the romantic tale of a twelve-year-old harem girl and the boy who loves her enough to let everyone else in the story figure out how he should rescue her. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.
Historica Calamitatum (Peter Abelard)- French scholar gets into endless academic flamewars with everyone he meets until he gets castrated, after which he becomes a monk but does not, actually, stop stirring up shit, because that would require him to stop bitching for five minutes. Also he has some kind of epic genre-defining love affair with some girl named Heloise, but he spends a lot less time talking about her than about all those jerks who can't admit how awesome he is. But then she did name his son Astralabe, so maybe that's fair.
Guigemar (Marie de France) - Asexuality can be cured by getting shot in the leg with your arrow when trying to kill a magic deer, and it is totally okay to sleep with another guy's wife as long as he is ugly and you are not. Also, having everyone in the kingdom line up to try to untie the fair maiden's chastity belt is not creepy and gross in any way. I don't think Medieval people understood how knots worked very well.
Bisclavret (Marie de France) - Long before Stephanie Meyers, Marie De France was over in England writing about totally hot werewolves who just need a girlfriend who understands them. This werewolf's girlfriend, however, while she doesn't seem to mind the part where he's a wolf is a little too freaked out by the part where he's naked while he's a wolf, so she dumps him for somebody else. After which he bites off her nose and goes to make out with the king instead. All of this actually happens in the story.
After this we move on to Floris and Blancheflour, the romantic tale of a twelve-year-old harem girl and the boy who loves her enough to let everyone else in the story figure out how he should rescue her. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.