You Know Those Voices in Your Head? Mine Have Names

[masterofmidgets]

And rather a lot more sex than I do...

Well, anyway, I promised a list eventually, and I realized I was starting to lose track of them again, so I figured I should probably do it soon. These are the voices in my head. They serve a variety of purposes. Some of them are aspects of my personality. Some of them are muses of various sorts. Some of them just annoy me or keep my company. Some of them are there solely because they were dating someone else in my head. And some of them...I have no idea, I really don't. So, a list, in no particular order whatsoever.

1) Outer Ed: more or less my default personality. When I am being "myself", usually I'm being him, which is why my friends refer to me as Ed most of the time. Ed is loud, violent, gets into trouble, threatens to hurt people who call him short, is more or less smart, and very impulsive. He is dating the Colonel (thanks to moi, who set them up on a date), is overprotective of his brother Al, and is grudging friends with Demyx.

2) Outer Axel: my other more or less default personality. Similar to Ed in some ways, but more laid-back, easy going, and a total pyro. He doesn't come out as often, so he mostly just hangs out, gets drunk, and goes over to Roy's head to hit on her Outer Roxas.

3) Lazy Bastard Colonel, aka Roy: Not the same as my friend Roy. They just share a name. He is my inner procrastinator, the person I am when I sleep til noon, read fanfiction all day, and put off my summer reading until after Labor Day. He really is quite useless, and he has a serious caffeine addiction. He is also sleeping with Ed, a fact he is excessively proud of, and thus he makes a ridiculous number of inappropriate statements and dirty jokes.

4) Al: I very rarely am Al, since he is nice, sweet, polite, soft-spoken, and strongly disapproves of swearing or ever being mean to anyone (and I swear like a sailor and threaten to eviscerate my best friends on a daily basis). He's a cute kid though. He and his boyfriend, Haru, run a Chinese restaurant, which as far as I can tell has absolutely stellar food and great service even though it's just the two of them. As a result, he knows almost everything about everyone. People just seem to like opening up to him.

5) Maude: my perverted yaoi muse. She constantly encourages me to write lemons, makes me lose it in my calc and lit classes by putting incredibly perverted ideas into my head, and manages to make /everything/ into a reference to kinky sex and bondage. She spends a lot of time hanging around with everyone else's yaoi muses, drinking tea at one of the several tea shops (Hannah has a British tea shop in her head).

6) Orange: my muse of Chinese speaking, named after a girl I met on a train coming back from Beijing. She's young, pretty, and...well, Chinese, and occasionally takes over my brain and mouth and makes me spout random bad Chinese. She is either in love with or best friends with Sudochi, I can't really tell, but they spend all their time together, except for when they have hairstyling parties with Demyx. They run an Asian tea shop together. It's a pretty quiet place, but they get customers from other people's heads (mostly Hannah's, I think) and they keep busy enough.

7) Sudochi: my muse of Japanese speaking. She is responsible for any fangirl Japanese that slips into my writing/speech - I can't control her, people, it's not my fault. I'll probably see a lot more of her when I take Japanese this year. I strongly suspect she's actually brilliant at calculus, but she only does it in Japanese, which did not really help me all that much at all. She runs the tea shop with Orange.

8) Haru: the person I am first thing in the morning, when I walk into walls and can't speak into coherent sentences. Also the person I am when I am wandering around in a daze, trying to figure out what's going on and what I'm supposed to be doing. Haru's nice, just veeeery out of it. He dotes on Al, though - when the two of them aren't plotting pranks on everyone else. Don't let the innocent faces fool you. He's quite the chef, as the food at the Chinese restaurant demonstrates.

9) Lord Henry: was Huntington, until he read Dorian Gray and he insisted on changing it. Which was tragic, because he was one of my few remaining straight alter egos, and now I don't think I have any. He serves very little purpose, except to be extremely British all the time. If you hear me talking in a British accent, he's why. 

10) Riza: she shoots people. Mostly people who piss me off or call me short. She's the voice of reason, I guess, with a handgun. She tries to make sure that, whatever weirdness everyone is getting into, no one gets into any real trouble, gets hurt, or burns anything down. I admire her for that. She is really too sensible to be in my head.

11) Inner Hughes: like a conscience, only scarier. Everyone has one. He's the voice in your head saying everything will work out, you can't take your anger out on the store clerk, and you need to settle down with someone nice. It's mostly a good idea to listen him, if only because if you try to ignore him, he will threaten you with pictures of his family. He engages in a lot of plots, mostly with the purpose of starting or fixing various relationships. He is training Al to be his successor, and drags Demyx in once in a while. Zack doesn't even have to be asked.

12) Demitri: my paranoid Russian muse. It was really a bitch trying to find out his name, since every time I asked, he started shouting at me in Russian about the proletariat and urban existentialism. Where he gets this stuff, I don't know, although I think he probably picks it up from Natalie and Hannah's Russians. They all spend too much time reading Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Marx, etc. And drinking vodka in that Russian bar in Hannah's head. Then they get drunk and go outside to hunt wolves, the weirdos. His function in my head is to try to convince me there are monsters under my bed, psycho serial killers outside my window, and that I'm going to fail and drop out of college and end up a street walker. I mostly just try to ignore him.

13) Rock Lee: He is enthusiastic, energetic, optimistic, gung-ho, and believes in the Power of Youth. Most of the rest of the people in my head hate him. My version of Bingley in the Morning. He likes to train - /a lot/ - he strikes Nice Guy poses more than can possibly be healthy, and is generally the person in charge when I start getting excited and into things. Right after I got him, he threw a temper tantrum and insisted I get him a Gaara, which I did, so now whenever I can't find him I know he's off with Gaara somewhere getting molested. They make a good couple, despite all evidence to the contrary. He's also best friends with Demyx, god save us.

14) Gaara: my inner homicidal maniac in a mesh shirt. Riza shoots people because they deserve it; Gaara kills them just because he thinks it's funny to see them suffer. I know. He has issues. He also thinks anyone vaguely annoying, like people who walk in front of you and then stop or people who abuse the nudge button on IM need to meet a painful and bloody end. I tolerate him because he helps me think up creative ways to threaten my friends with incredibly violent death, and because Lee would pine without him. He does love Lee, even though the first time they met he tried to kill him and nearly succeeded. He really really hates Demyx though, so he usually abandons them for the other emos pretty quickly.

15) Hamlet: me when I'm emo. Fortunately this doesn't happen all that often, or my friends would have to kill me. Hamlet is the joint owner, along with Horatio (Hannah's emo muse) and Fortinbras (Natalie's emo muse), of The Nightclub, the mostly popular hang-out in our heads, along with Kate's Bar, which it is next door to. The Nightclub is just that, a nightclub, lots of loud music at all hours of the night, which drives me crazy, lots of strobe lights and black lights, lots of vaguely obscene dancing, oddly named drinks, and a couple back rooms where you can have sex, not that anyone would really object to you having sex on the dance floor. It's that kind of club. Hamlet does this and that around the club, makes sure everything's running smoothly, no one's getting stabbed, etc. Fortinbras is the bouncer, so that Hamlet can stare at his ass, and Horatio tends bar, so Hamlet can check out his chest and occasionally ass. The three of them have a very nice threesome going, joined occasionally by Envy's emo muse, whose name escapes me. Hamlet is a perv. 

17) Demyx: he is the one singing all the songs that get stuck in my head. Demyx is spacey, ditzy, hyperactive, extremely musical, loves to glomp people, and is just really excessively cute. He talks too much and way too fast about basically nothing, he bursts into song at random moments, he starts dancing in the middle of the street, and he loves everyone, pretty much. All the emos are terrified of him. Hamlet brought him in to sing at The Nightclub, and didn't realize he wouldn't leave. Didn't have any place to go, I guess. So I let him stay, cause he's adorable. He was responsible for starting the weekly Karaoke Night in The Nightclub. He and Lee get along great, Al hero-worships him, Ed tolerates him, and he's always dragging Duo over from Natalie's head for sleepovers. His boyfriend is Zexion, who spoils him terribly, because if you're mean to him, he cries, and that's just sad.

18) Zexion: he doesn't really do anything. Demyx was lonely, so he poofed him into existence to be his boyfriend. I'm not really sure how he did that, but whatever. He just hangs out with/molests Demyx until he can't stand the happy anymore, and then he goes and hangs out with the other emos. He and Gaara can do this thing where they have a complete conversation with no words at all, just gestures and eyebrow raisings. It's kind of freaky. Heero can do it too, according to Natalie. 

19) Obsessive Grammar Nazi: the person in my head who flips out when people use the wrong its, your, or their and wants to kill them, who can't stand improperly placed commas, and who lauds the inventor of the semi-colon. She wanders around with her buster-sword like red pen, violently suppressing bad grammar, improper punctuation, and spelling mistakes. She doesn't seem to mind being referred to as Grammar Nazi, although according to Al and Haru her real name is Maureen. Not sure how they know this - maybe she orders a lot of take-out.

20) Zack: his existence in my head is unconfirmed as yet, but I've been seeing flashes of black hair at The Nightclub, and it would explain where a lot of the weirder ideas - A SOLDIER vs Turks game of Capture the Cloud, Sephiroth tied to chair while Zack poured beer down his throat with a funnel, chocolate covered Rufus, etc - came from. More on the nature of Zack when he comes out of hiding, I guess. Maybe I can set a beer trap...or a Cloud trap...

So there you have it: the brimming cesspool that is my mind. It's getting awfully crowded...