Heeeeeelp!

[masterofmidgets]

Workshopping was not nearly as terrifying as I expected it to be! Actually it went really well. I got some nice compliments on my writing on stuff like pacing, my prose style, my descriptive settings (very cool because I usually fail as descriptive scenes), and how I integrated the fantasy and realism elements. I also got some solid constructive criticisms - mostly that my side characters were too flat and their relationship to the main character wasn't developed enough, and that the dialogue heavy scenes needed to be expanded to feel less rushed(I did not think I could turn in a 17 page story and have people tell me parts needed to be longer!).

One of the things I was kinda sorta anticipating people having problems with was the male/male romance, because I realized I was writing it like a slash romance (rather than a gay romance), which takes certain things for granted, like the narrator not having much of a sexuality crisis. I think I will not make much change there, because OMGI'MATTRACTEDTOGUYS drama interests me so much less than OMGI'MATTRACTEDTOTHISSPECIFICINAPPROPRIATEGUY drama. But still, the concrit gave me some places to start on the revision, and I'm almost looking forward to the rewrite, even if I won't start it for a bit yet.

All in all, I'd call it a success. But still, I'm feeling all freaked out and stressed right now. Which I think has less to do with just the class and more with the fact that it made me start thinking about my major again. Because, well, I really honestly enjoyed, in a horrified, please-kill-me-now way, having people read my stuff and talking with them about how I could make it better. It felt so good and useful and productive. And it's making me start to give some more weight to the idea of declaring as an English major with a creative writing emphasis. And I just, I don't know why this is so scary to me. I don't know what I should do or what the right choice is, but I have to make it in the nearish future, and I've been spazzing about it all year.

I wish I could just ask for someone to tell me what to do, but I'm too old for that. So instead I'm just going to lay out what's in my head, and ask for advice. Or at least sympathy.

Reasons to be an English Major

• I like reading books, and I like talking about them. To the point that I, completely under my own volition, read Anna Karenina during summer break and had long IM conversations with telyanofcelore about it.
• I like writing (obviously)
• I think - this is not very objective - I'm a decent-ish writer
• I've really been loving the lit and writing classes I'm taking this quarter
• I want to get my writing published eventually
• there's some really neat people in the writing program here. Like Tobias Wolff. And Emily Kinney.
• the course requirements are pretty doable (13 courses and 65 credits)
• I don't know what I'll study if I don't

Reasons to not be an English Major

•  I don't like some of the trends in literary criticism in academia that I hear about from English majors on lj (not necessarily at Stanford though)
• I don't know if I'm that good of a writer
• even though they'll support me no matter what, I know this isn't really what my parents want me to do
• I wouldn't get to do some of the stuff I'm really excited by, like politics
• I won't be that employable once I get out of school (and less so if I go to grad school), especially if I want to work in my field. Publishing is really competitive because all the English majors want to do it.
• I'm scared that it is just a copout because I think it will be easy and I can't make up my mind on anything else

Comments

[ashprophet.livejournal.com]

Hey! I'm about to graduate with an English degree, and I had pretty much exactly the issues you're having, same pros, same cons. I'm STILL worried that I might have just fallen into it because I was good at it and I wasn't sure what else to do, but on the other hand, I enjoyed my classes a lot. (Basically this is a sympathy comment more than an advice comment.)

If writing is definitely what you want to do, then just do that English major, and spend the next few years getting everything you can from it. Same if you want to do teaching. Same if you want to do publishing, even. Don't worry about the competition, because if you really want it and are willing to work at it, the employers will see that and you'll get hired no problem. You can always find a way to make something work if you really enjoy what you're doing.

If you change your mind, anyway, an English major gives you a basis for a few different things. If you decide somewhere down the line that you want to do politics, then take a political internship or get a minor in polysci, and you can still get a job with that. You can also switch your field of study in grad school (unless you decide you want to do hard sciences or something. That might be tricky.) You aren't trapped.

Another thing to take off your list of cons: If you end up unhappy, so will your parents. Seriously.

Good luck!

[masterofmidgets.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much - it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.