Love In The Asylum

Well, it may have been a shit week (for various unexciting reasons), but Arsenal won a CL match, my Stegner Fellow said some very complimentary things about my writing, and I got to tell two different people about the time I was the subject of a Baptist sermon. So it wasn't a total wash.

I HAVE SURVIVED THE CRISIS OF INFINITE FINALS

Never ever ever again am I allowed to have four finals on the same day. That was seriously manic. Like, I can't even - I stayed up the entire night, studying and not-studying and playing Dungeons and Dragons because I am a moron of epic proportions. Dragged myself out the door at a barbaric 8am to sit my anthro final, which was luckily the easiest exam of the day - half multiple choice, open note, all stuff covered in lecture and on the review.

Ran home as soon as I finished the exam to get back to work writing my take-home exam for sci fi, which was about the construction of cyborg and android families in Blade Runner and Ghost in the Shell and how internet communities are extinguishing our sense of concrete identity. Neat ideas, if the execution was a struggle. But I got 5 pages typed and emailed to my TA only a little bit late, so I can't feel terribly bad about it.

As soon as I finished that I started revising poetry for my final portfolio and reviewing Middle English poetry for my literature exam, which was 100% quotation IDs from the readings. That exam was at 7 and I am cautiously optimistic - I felt confident about most of the quotes I identified, and a few I couldn't remember I sussed out by rhyme pattern and style. So we'll see.

Then ran back to the dorm again to revise more poetry so I could get my portfolio finished and emailed to the prof by midnight. Revising poetry is not as easy as it sounds. I hate it. Passionately. But I like my end results, so...

I don't even know how I feel right now. I am too exhausted to think straight. And tomorrow I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to get to the airport to catch my flight home, which I'm not looking forward to in the least bit because airplanes are the devil. But for now I'm just trying to happy it's over and I'm still alive. So, in celebration, here's an Arthurian villanelle!

Guinevere at Amesbury

( Guinevere is standing by the window still )

 I had a minor meltdown today  - there was only one section I had left to rewrite on my short story before I emailed it to my professor, but it would. not. work. I swear I restarted it five different times and hated every single word. So there is a block of my IM log with hanjuuluver now that is just me swearing, in all caps, for two hours straight, while she talks about chemistry, and a barely noticeable dent where I threw one of my books at the wall. But I finally got it sorted more or less to my satisfaction and emailed it to my prof only a couple hours after my deadline, so I'm counting that as a win. 

Tomorrow I'm revising my last essay for my AmLit class, which should be relatively painless compared to writing the damned thing in the first place. And then I'll be done for the term yay! It's strange - I've been watching all the freshmen freak out about their SLE final (which is so easy compared to our year that I want to laugh at them), and it's making me realize how comparatively not crazy I am this term. Like, I'm stressed out, obviously, because HELLO FINALS. But I'm still checking my email account. And sleeping. And eating. And I aside from a close moment this afternoon where I was shouting swear words into a pillow, I haven't really freaked out, or started crying or anything. Which has not been the cases in terms past. Man, I knew declaring was going to be a load off my mind, but I didn't think it was going to magically transport me to the land of rainbows and puppies and unicorns and actually being sane. 

Speaking of the freshmen, I accidentally converted one of them to Supernatural by showing him pictures of Misha Collins. Oops? But he is totally a man after my own heart; I can already tell, from his expression while I was rambling at him about the third season, that he's going to be a Dean Boy, bless him. 

So, finals are crushing my soul. Yeah. My Japanese final was this morning, and that was sort of a wash, but I'm not too freaked out because I did well on the midterm exams and presentations. Just kind of disappointed in myself for not doing better. Lit final is due tomorrow and is making me want to cry. I can't even begin to think about my Religions final on Wednesday, except that the essay prompt, if I can get my head around it, is pretty neat. I really want to do well in that class, to make up for epic lit fail. I'm back in that OH GOD WHY AM I HERE WHAT WAS I THINKING I SUCK I WANT TO KILL MYSELF thing that end-term finals seem to inspire in me. Two more days, self, two more days.

Last shift at the call center was uneventful and non-awful and I ended the year with a pledge calling grad student non-donors, go me. Also I called a grad with what has to be one of the most French names in existence ever: Maxence Christophe Jacques M de la Grandiere. AMAZING. I think I'll probably go back to work there again next year - it sucks in some ways, but at least I'm used to the ways it sucks, and the supervisors and my boss are awesome.

Cardinal Mall are a bunch of useless motherfuckers who billed me 80 dollars for summer storage and then a) didn't give me my fucking boxes and b) won't answer their goddamn phones. I do not need one more thing stressing me out right now, assholes.

As part of my 'avoid thinking about exams at all costs' study method, I've been watching a fuckton of NCIS. I blame copperbadge . But it's really kind of good? And I am SO FUCKING IN LOVE WITH TONY YOU GUYS. Ha, no one could have seen that coming, he's only the same character type I always fall madly in love with, ie Stupid Jerk-Ass Guy Who is Secretly Sad and Lonely. Also I ship everyone/everyone. But especially Abby/Gibbs, Gibbs/Tony, Tony/McGee, Abby/McGee, Tony/Ziva, Gibbs/Ducky, and Abby/my heart because she wins at everything.

The next few days are going to kick my ass. Probably not around much until I get home on friday night. See you then.

Right at the moment, things are going all right. I've been just a giant bundle of stress and freaking out the last few days, spazzing about needing my SS card, a problem with my financial aid, applying for new job, going to job I hate, and my grandma making everything much worse by being, as she is so wont to be, extremely judgemental and lecturing me constantly about everything. But as of right now:

• I got the new job!!!!!!! Pending the drug test I did yesterday coming out clean, but whatever, I don't do drugs so we're good. Yay!!!! I start training on monday for my new job that is easier closer and better paying than job I hate.
• I'm going to go in today and quit my job at the movie theater that I hate. I'll do my shift today, but I'm not going back - can't, really, since training for new job is 8.30-5.30 M-F. This should have the added benefit of eliminating the SS card problem, since I won't be working there anymore. Maybe? At least it will give me a little time, eh.
• Called the financial aid office and fixed the problem with my aid that I've been stressing out about for three months in about five minutes. Apparently the CSS PROFILE I submitted accidentally got filed in the wrong database or...something like that, and they just had to pull it up and move it. Should be fixed on my account within 24 hours, and hopefully in the next few weeks I'll find out how much money I'm getting for this year.
• Spending the rest of the week/weekend at my mom's apartment - great since I've not seen her in almost 3 weeks because I've been house/dog-sitting for telyanofcelore, and also because being here means my grandma cannot LECTURE me thank god. Except on the phone, but I can always say I've got to go and hang up

I'm feeling pretty good about life at the moment. And I think diamminesilver,  hanjuuluver, and I are going to go to the onsen in Santa Fe this weekend so yay!